OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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