i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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