if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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