Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
