nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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