That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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