I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
