I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
