you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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