I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
