Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
