My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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