You can't special order awesome
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His nipple licking is glorious
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