i don't like sucking hair
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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