We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
