That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
