I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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