Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
