You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
