Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
