I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
