if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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