Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize