We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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