Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
