My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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