yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize