Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
