I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize