your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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