i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My feet surprised me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
