I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
