So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
