The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
