I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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