we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
