You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
