somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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