just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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