I can tuck mytits in my pants
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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