I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
