so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
