Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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