the condom got lost in my hair
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
