And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Say something about gay babies.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
