You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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