Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
