he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize