That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
