Kiss
Puke
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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