I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
