I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
