fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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