your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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