Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
