I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
