You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize