my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
