he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
