hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
