Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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