If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
