She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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