as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
