discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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