i barfeds in our rink
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
