we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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