oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
