I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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