She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
