dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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