she was so not down for the gang bang
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
where are my eyebrows?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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