I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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