So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
