Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
