i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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