just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Say something about gay babies.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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